Priding myself on being independent for many years, it has been hard to ask for assistance since I retired. When I was working I had multiple resources to call on – an administrative assistant, an IT department, a human resources department, and others. All were happy to meet my work (and sometimes non-work) -related needs, be it to make copies, order lunch, fix my computer, or help recruit someone for a new position in my projects. I remember the strong sense of support I felt from my administrative assistant, Carmen, who worked with me for about 20 years. We were once at a large meeting and as we went around the table introducing ourselves, we were asked to describe what we did. When it got to Carmen, her response was my job is to do anything that Sherry needs me to do. How fortunate I was!
Now, after being retired for more than two years, I miss the support I had when I was working. I had to learn that I have limitations without these resources, and sometimes need to seek out assistance. It’s not easy but there are people I can call on. For example, I have a contract with the Geek Squad, a service of Best Buy that provides technical assistance for electronics problems. I call them periodically for help with my desktop computer and printer. Because I don’t know how to do it myself, nor am I intuitive about how to fix these things, I feel frustrated that I require specific step-by-step instructions about what to do. I laughed to myself recently after following a series of instructions to fix my computer, which included removing and reattaching wires to the router as well as doing some things on the keyboard. I thought that if they asked me to stand on one leg, stick a finger toward the ceiling, and whisper a magical phrase- I would probably follow all those instructions – since I have no conception of how these things get fixed.
At times, after calling for help with a problem, I have had to turn over control of my computer to a Geek squad member. Seeing my cursor move on my screen without my control still seems pretty weird, as though my computer was haunted by an independent being. I thought that if I could turn control of myself over to this being, and it was benevolent, it could make it easier for me to diet and to exercise regularly. Of course if it wasn’t benevolent- yikes!
My most recent call to the Geek Squad was because I didn’t have the video on my desktop computer for a Zoom call – I could see the other participants but they couldn’t see me. The Geek took over control of my computer and after some exploration he asked me to check the wire from the camera to the computer. I did- and it appeared fine, at which point he suggested I detach the connection and then reattach it. Amazing- the video was back! So sometimes the solution is rather simple, and not a high tech complicated fix. I must remember that sometimes just rebooting, or removing a plug and then reattaching it, is all that’s needed. That’s a capability I already have.
As I get older, my asking for help is not just for computer needs, it’s also for some mundane tasks around the house. I have become more hesitant about doing some things I used to readily do. I no longer want to climb ladders, so when things need to be stored at the top of a closet or cabinet that I can’t reach, I ask a friend or younger family member to do it. I also call on the porters in my apartment building to remove light fixtures and change light bulbs that are out of reach for me. I have decided that while I seek to reach new highs in retirement, these won’t be ones that put me physically at risk!
So how do I feel about this? I am coming to peace with the idea that it’s OK to ask for help- the alternative is even more disturbing. It would mean that my activities would be limited. And I expect that my need to ask for assistance will only increase in the future. I no longer see this as a sign of weakness, and it’s helpful to my ego to know that there are areas of expertise I have that others often call on. Perhaps even more importantly, I find that if I maintain a sense of humor about it all, I can more readily move from frustration about not being able to do something myself to taking action to meet my needs, even if it involves asking for help.
Reflections on Aging 