It has been found that our bodies have some setpoints. These are stable and optimal ranges of some physiological characteristics, like our weight and even our experience of happiness. Research indicates that genetics accounts for about 50% of setpoints, so that means I have some control over the remaining 50%. I have had mixed success trying to nudge my setpoints.
In my late teens through early thirties I stabilized at a certain weight, regardless of what I ate. After giving birth to two children in my thirties, my setpoint moved upward, and remained constant for many years. As I approached retirement, reductions in metabolism and too many retirement parties and cocktail hours contributed to some additional upward movement. I remember a friend’s advice about life “if you don’t let yourself go, you will never know how far you can get.” It made sense to me at the time, and sounded liberating… but I learned that this is not a good way to manage weight. I wish weight were like a thermostat, and I could just move a dial down a bit and the desired change would happen. And why is it easier to achieve a higher set point than a lower one? It doesn’t seem fair. Lowering this setpoint will require some effort.
My sense of happiness setpoint is one that I would like to move up. There has been some debate as to whether this can be modified over time. Some research has shown that when you experience a major event, like winning a lottery or losing a spouse, there may be a temporary change in the experience of happiness, but it will return to your setpoint in a short while. Others say there can be long-term changes after these events. Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel worried and a sense of unease about the day… definitely not a sense of happiness. I have found that simply hoping or waiting to feel happier never works. But getting into action and doing things I enjoy can override my feelings and I don’t have to stay at my setpoint. I may need to remind myself of this on some mornings, but it definitely works for me.
Other setpoints I have thought about include how I experience negative emotions, like frustration or anger. I have different setpoints for these emotions, with the feelings occurring more readily than my willingness to express them. As I get older, this discrepancy has become more disturbing to me. Simple things like someone rudely getting ahead of me in the supermarket line can set off anger, and in the past I would try and ignore it rather than addressing it. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t need to be shy about these kinds of things anymore. If I express my annoyance, politely and directly, I find that the feelings are more quickly dissipated. So I am adjusting my set point dials in these two areas to bring them closer in time – having the feelings and expressing them. I like this adjustment, though others, the targets of the frustration, may not.
I also have set points for behaviors, like my level of activity and engagement in life. When I was younger, with a full-time job and young children, I rarely thought about my activity setpoint, I simply did what was the urgent priority. I often felt “used up” by the end of the day, and this felt good and purposeful. Now my children have their own lives, I am retired, I have discovered more restaurant delivery options in my neighborhood, and I have more choice about what to do with my time. I enjoy many things (reading, writing, seeing a friend, going to a museum), but there generally are no urgent priorities and my activities are based on my desires. But at the end of some days I feel incomplete, and I think it’s because my setpoint was based on my level of activity when I had multiple responsibilities. I am recalibrating this setpoint, to enjoy more activities that are internally generated and selected for pleasure. And I have realized that not feeling exhausted at the end of the day is a good thing, and gives me time to plan more things I would enjoy.
So, what have I learned about my setpoints? While they are part of who I am, I think that in new life stages, new levels may be desirable. I try to remember another meaning of setpoint. In tennis, where it has an entirely different meaning, it represents the point that will win a game and the set, and usually requires substantial effort. Perhaps my setpoints aren’t so “set” after all, and I can get them where I want them. Ready, Set, Go!
Reflections on Aging 