Youthful and Useful: Changes in Meaning Over Time

I did it! After having my hair colored for many years, I am letting my gray hair grow in. When a few gray hairs showed up near my temples, I thought it looked attractive, and contrasted nicely with my dark brown hair. My friend said it looked like the gray was providing a partial frame around my face. That seemed fine to me. But now it’s about 3 months into not coloring my hair, and the gray frame has widened and now accounts for about half my hair length.

I’m not sure how I feel about this yet, this obvious sign of being a senior. When a friend reminded me that I could go back to coloring my hair, I felt a little relieved. This didn’t have to be permanent. And it’s a nice color, silver gray. Besides, I think it’s a more natural accompaniment for the lines that are showing up in my face than was my prior solid dark brown dyed hair.

On a recent video call with my daughter she said she liked the gray in my hair, and that I looked “youthful.” I wasn’t sure I liked that description – was it in contrast to looking old? I looked up the definition of “youth,” and found that for statistical purposes it is considered to be the age between 15 and 24. So does that mean that starting at 25 you can be described as looking “youthful?” Since I am well past that marker… I don’t need to look that young anymore. Most days I feel energetic and engaged in life – so I’m OK looking more like my current age.

Also, I initially misheard what my daughter said and thought she said I looked “useful.” Although I immediately realized what she meant, I was struck by the two terms, “youthful” and “useful.” I think these two adjectives form an essential dilemma of aging—many older people worry about being both of these. But when I looked up useful, I wasn’t sure I wanted to fit that meaning anymore either!

“Useful” is defined as being of practical purpose, that is, relating to action rather than thoughts or ideas. I was very practical throughout most of my life, I had a successful career with many accomplishments as a research scientist, and I managed a household with children. Since retiring I sometimes worry that I have lost a sense of purpose. Yet even in my career, my daily life was heavily weighted towards thoughts and ideas. Certainly some of my work could eventually have practical application, but the connection was often delayed and not certain. Since retiring I live much more in the world of thoughts and ideas— reading, writing, visiting interesting places and people. Not much of this can be considered practical or useful, but it has enriched my life.

So, although being youthful and useful have appealed to me in the past, the meanings of these words have changed, and now they’re not so important.  I can just look my age. And living more in the world of ideas gives me something that I can share with others, and that can be useful for us all.