When I had a full-time job and two children at home, I prepared multiple “To Do” lists. The lists were long; they included necessary tasks related to family, work and friends. Each week I made new lists and prioritized items in the lists, most of which got done, eventually.

Now that I have retired, I still organize my week by making lists, but they are quite different. Most of the items are not necessary, they are there because I want them to be there, I choose them to be there. Even more satisfying: I don’t have a deadline.

 Some items resemble my old “To Do” lists, like shopping for food, inviting family for dinner, or calling a friend who is ill. But some of the new items have never been listed before. I also have started a “Not To Do” list.

At the end of the week I often find that I have enjoyed what I have not done almost as much as what I have done. Here are examples of my new lists, of things to do or not to do, every week.

TO DO

1. Do something at home just for pleasure that you haven’t done in the past, such as going back to bed after breakfast or spending the entire day reading.
2. Call someone you lost touch with, someone who you always cared about, but didn’t have the time to contact.
3. Acknowledge someone by expressing appreciation or really thanking them. For example, tell a close family member or friend that you love them or enjoy being with them. Or thank a stranger, someone you just meet doing errands. Tell them you like their smile or appreciate their service, and watch their face afterwards.
4. Visit a place in your neighborhood that you have passed through before but never really “seen.”  It can be a store, park, or just a street corner. Spend a few minutes there and observe what is going on.
5. Make a phone date with someone who you have difficulty arranging to see in person. Spend time with them on the phone, have a real conversation.
6. Do something by yourself that will give you a sense of accomplishment, like going to the gym or visiting a museum you are interested in, or even cleaning out a drawer. Yes, even cleaning out a drawer.

NOT TO DO

1. Don’t shower and dress as soon as you wake up in the morning. You don’t have to go to the office for a meeting. Remember, you can relax.
2. Don’t do the dishes right after dinner; they can wait.
3. Don’t wear clothes that feel uncomfortable when you are home. Pants with elastic waists can be a great source of pleasure.  
4. If you have started reading a book and you find that it doesn’t engage you, don’t read it anymore. Give it to someone else or discard it.
5. Don’t get the mail as soon as you know it has been delivered, and don’t open the bills until you are ready. But don’t wait too long to put this on your “To Do” list.
6. Don’t answer the phone as soon as it starts ringing, especially if you are in the midst of doing something. Chances are it’s one of those robocalls. If it’s important, the person will leave a message. If you are enjoying what you are doing, turn off your phone.

I wish I had discovered “Not To Do” lists earlier in life, it would have helped me focus more on what I think is important. Both kinds of lists can be helpful to you; enjoy them.

As I struggled to stay in the “plank” position for one full minute I thought: “why am I doing something so uncomfortable?” After I finished and collapsed onto the mat I raised that question with my trainer. “For maintenance, that’s why” he said, “I am proud of you and often use you as an example.”  I have reached the senior category and appreciate my trainer’s pride in me. However, being complimented for maintaining a plank for a full minute did not seem to be on the same level of achievement as some of my previous accomplishments as a research scientist.

Throughout my life I have been one of the lucky ones, who haven’t needed to give much thought to what I had to do to stay healthy. Over the past 20 years, though, I have noticed some changes: my weight has slowly increased, gray hairs have slowly appeared, and my memory for names has (more rapidly) declined.  The media is filled with advice for the increasing number of seniors in the US population, and the buzzword in recommendations for this population is “maintenance.”

I used to think of “maintenance” as a kind of homeostasis, meaning something that remains stable or constant. Not anymore.  I now believe that it is about slowing down decline in multiple arenas, including physical health, appearance, and mental acuity. I find this definition more motivating for taking action. I also have another incentive: I looked at some recent photos taken at family gatherings and wondered why my older sister had gotten so thin, until I realized that she wasn’t the one who changed!

So I have decided to embrace maintenance in several ways.

I do it in my monthly visits to the hair salon to get my gray roots colored dark brown. It does the job, but costs time and money, and since I recently retired I am less concerned about looking older than many of the folks in my office.  Furthermore, while the hair dye can make my roots brown, the ongoing thinning of my hair still gives away the fact that aging is going on up there. I have already learned to do some artful positioning of the remaining hair to reduce scalp exposure. Does this constitute high maintenance?

Then there is my mental capacity. Various types of brain exercises like crossword puzzles and word games like Scrabble have been promoted for the aging population and I enjoy them.  But research indicates that skills learned while doing these puzzles and games don’t transfer to improvements in general memory or other brain activities. Given the oft-cited mind-body connection, I hope that my health club activities also help in the maintenance of my cognitive abilities, sort of a 2-for-1 deal.

But most of the recommendations I read about are for physical health, with exercise as a major component. So I joined a health club. My activities there have two aspects- cardio and strength building. In my twice weekly visits I do cardio on the bike for about 20 minutes and then meet with the trainer for stretching, core and other types of strength-building exercises, or as he calls them “resistance training” (I have come to understand the source of the “resistance”). I often do these with an exercise partner, my 85-year old neighbor. Unfortunately, she has begun having memory problems and I usually need to call her several times before our exercise dates to remind her about them. When I do, she is eager to go. Perhaps this is helping her at a different level of maintenance.

It’s often fun doing exercises together, except for two parts of our exercise routine: when the trainer tells us to toss a ball back and forth to each other, or when he asks us to stand on one leg, alternating legs, for a minute or two. I know that these are for coordination and balance, which are important for folks my age to reduce the chances or consequences of falling. Yet I feel like a child and am embarrassed doing them. They certainly aren’t the exercises of my trainer, who has bulging arm muscles and a well-defined “six-pack,” nor are they done by the buff 30-somethings around me in the gym who are lifting enormous weights and doing one-handed push-ups. In any case, because of my shoulder arthritis and rotator cuff problems I probably shouldn’t lift heavy weights. So I am OK not even trying those.

I decided what I will do for on-going maintenance. My choice to take on new activities since retiring motivates me to pay attention to my physical appearance and mental capacities. So, health club here I come, and when the gray starts to show I will make a hair-coloring appointment. I have recently added another weekly visit to the gym, since upcoming family events will likely generate photo opportunities.  I will continue playing Scrabble just because I like it (brain benefits or not), and have found that expanding my reading and exploration of cultural activities (and writing a blog!) are all fun and mentally challenging. And I will continue to enjoy the visits of my granddaughter, who loves to go outdoors with me and play catch, and compete to see who can stand on one leg for the longest time… no embarrassment about that.

For no rational reasons, I never thought that aging, I mean going past middle age, would happen to me. There are certainly benefits, like travel discounts and sometimes having someone get up to give you a seat on the bus. But there are also challenges that aging brings. Seeing a humorous side of these challenges has been helpful to me and I started this Blog to share my perspective. I hope you enjoy it. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.