Managing Doctors

For most of my life the doctors I saw were older than me, and it seemed that was how it should be. I believed that their age brought experience and wisdom. When I noticed that the pediatricians who took care of my children were my age, that seemed fine too.  Their youth meant they might be better able to relate to my children, and since they weren’t that long out of medical school, their knowledge was likely to be up-to-date.

Once I got into my 40s, some of my own doctors were suddenly younger than me. And as I have gotten older, much to my surprise, others have even retired. How could they do that? Though I too have now retired, I thought they would always be there for me. Even worse, though I am relatively healthy, I spend more time with doctors. My body requires more attention. It got me thinking about some things:

1.How should I address my much younger doctor? I am generally informal with people I meet and don’t use titles. However, doctors usually address me using my first name, but I don’t know if I should call my doctor “Dr. X” or use his/her first name. Doctors are probably trained to introduce themselves with their title to give patients confidence in them; starting with “Hi, I’m Harvey” may not elicit confidence in some patients. However, since I am older than most of them, and am a Doctor too (a PhD), it seems strange not to use first names when we address each other.

2. How can I get their best medical advice? In a recent visit to a doctor, we discussed whether I needed to undergo an optional medical procedure; I asked for his opinion. He said “if you were my mother, I would say you should…”. Even though our age differential made it possible that I could be his mother, I wished he had said “if you were my wife,” or even “sister.” Then I realized that what was more important was whether he actually liked the person he referred to and would do his best for their health. But could I ask him what he would recommend for someone in his family he really liked? Perhaps next time.

3. How do doctors view me? In a recent visit to a new doctor, he looked down at my chart and said “you look 10 years younger than your age.” I know he meant that as a compliment, but, trust me reader, ten years younger than my age is not too young. I feel, and thought I looked, at least 20 years younger than my age. Perhaps training for doctors should include something on this topic, in a module on “Developing Rapport with your Patient.”

4. How can I manage the increased frequency of medical care visits? Taking care of myself now requires more doctor visits and medical services. Nothing serious, but increases in bodily aches and pains, and changes in hearing and vision, involve referrals to medical specialties and services – like rheumatology, orthopedics, and audiology – that I always thought were for older people. I guess I qualify. The amount of time these visits require surprises me, and it would be a challenge if I were still working full time. But I have other things I’d rather do.

5. How can I adjust to these changes? I have some ideas.  I will appreciate the fact that my doctors’ youth means they have more current medical knowledge, and I will not call them by their first names until there have been several visits and we are both comfortable using first names. I will assume that they love their moms, so that I will welcome advice preceded by “If you were my mother… .” And, unless there is an urgent medical problem, I will manage multiple medical appointments by scheduling them around the things I want to do. Finally, I will make staying healthy a priority, so I don’t have to think too much about any of these things.