Unassisted Living

On a recent visit to Florida, I called an elderly cousin and learned that her telephone number had been disconnected. Fearing the worst, my husband and I drove to her housing development, where she lived with her spouse, and learned that they had sold their home and moved into a senior facility. Checking the location of their new address, I saw that this facility had three levels: independent living, assisted living, and memory care. I was happy to learn that they were in the “independent living” section, but felt saddened knowing that there was only one direction they could go, and once one starts moving, there’s not likely to be any reversal of direction. We didn’t get to see them, as my cousin’s husband recently had surgery, but we plan see them on our next trip; hopefully they will still be “independent.”

In the past, the term “assisted living” appealed to me, as I appreciated the many ways I was helped by others. For example, I pay someone to clean my house, and my husband does our food shopping and most of the cooking. I wish I had someone to do other errands like buying gifts and picking up items in the pharmacy, so I have wanted more assistance. But when I read the brochures and websites about assisted living facilities, I learned that “assisted living” means something else, not the services I had in mind. The ADLs, or Activities of Daily Living, that generally qualify someone for assisted living status, means that they require assistance for such activities as eating, bathing and toileting, and thank you, but I don’t need or want assistance with any of those, not ever, if possible.

So what’s to be done? I plan to continue my independent, relatively unassisted, at home, living status as long as possible. As I am fortunate to be able to afford long-term care insurance for my husband and myself, we will have financial assistance to maintain this status. I don’t mind paying for this expensive insurance, as I have a dear friend who is disabled and has been using his long-term care insurance for many years. I think of these payments as my participation in a benevolent Ponzi scheme: money is taken from some to use for others. I don’t mind helping him, and I certainly don’t mind if I never have to use this insurance for myself or my husband. And, at least for now, an unassisted living status is my preference.