Microaggressions for Seniors

How can I help you, young lady? The salesman asked me. As you know, dear reader, I am lots of things—retired, sometimes funny, a list-maker, etc.,—but I am not a young lady. I certainly don’t want to be addressed as an “old lady,” but perhaps “madam” or just How can I help you? would do.

The term “microaggression” refers to a brief, common, often unintended negative or derogatory slight, either verbal or behavioral. The user may actually be well-meaning, but unaware of the negative impact of their statement or behavior. The term was developed by Chester M. Pierce and has been elaborated by Derald Wing Sue. It is generally used in application to marginalized groups, such as minorities or the disabled, but I have become aware of several types of microaggressions I have experienced that apply to older people.  

Making older age, per se, a commendable characteristic

I was in a restaurant with my husband and as we got up to leave a patron said to us You are such a cute couple.  I think we are a nice couple, usually well-dressed, often friendly to others, but I don’t think of us as “cute.” This appears to be in the same category as the “young lady” comment I mentioned earlier.

Infantilization

The waitress came over to my table to take my lunch order and asked; What are we having for lunch today? I’m not sure what she is having for lunch, and I don’t intend to share my lunch with anyone.

Using terms to address me that connote age differences

How are you Mama? or Do you want this seat Mama? I have experienced this in stores and on public transportation. I have also heard the male version, with “Pops” and “Sir” used. I may be old enough to be your mother, and I appreciate that you may be using it as a sign of respect, but I am not your Mama.

Speaking in a louder voice or speaking more slowly

I have heard a salesperson address an older monolingual Spanish speaker in a louder or slower voice, rather than simply looking for someone who may be able to translate. Don’t assume that an older person can’t hear you – it may be that they simply don’t speak your language.

Ignoring the older person when someone else is present

I experienced this when I took my elderly mother to a doctor’s visit. The doctor spoke to me about her test results as though my mother wasn’t even present. I’m not sure if the doctor felt she couldn’t understand, couldn’t hear, or wasn’t responsible for her own care, but none of these were true. Doing this just made her feel ignored.

So what’s to be done?

Identifying microaggressions is an important first step in addressing them and reducing their impact. Dear reader, if you have any other examples, please share them with us.

I think that sensitivity to this should be incorporated in the training of professions with substantial public contact, like healthcare workers. In terms of what we can do as individuals—I find that if I feel offended, at the minimum, I tell myself that the remark was insensitive even if well-intended. If ongoing contact is anticipated, or if it helps me feel better, then I will say something.  In the case of my mother’s doctor, I asked him to address her with his comments, and he quickly turned to speak to her directly.

Finally, please don’t deal with microaggressions by using any macroaggressions—they could get you in trouble!