Losses I Can live With

I started noticing it first with restaurants. Places I liked were disappearing. Several dates with friends at restaurants ended in disappointment when we found that the restaurant had changed ownership, cuisine, or wasn’t even a restaurant any more. My husband and I planned to have dinner at a restaurant in the West Village called “El Faro,” that we have frequented since before the beginning of our 40+ year marriage. Not only was the restaurant no longer there… but the building it was in had been razed and a high-rise building was taking its place. What a shock! But when I saw a notice that my neighborhood “Ess-A-Bagel” shop was to close, this truly seemed like a serious loss—its food was the basis of many of our family get-togethers. I soon learned, with relief, that they planned to open a new store nearby. Although bagel stores are even more prevalent than drug stores in some parts of Manhattan, “Ess-A-Bagel” was, in my family’s views, the best. Whew, this loss was temporary, but it got me thinking about other losses I am experiencing as I get older.

Some losses relate to shopping for clothes. Full disclosure: I hate to shop for clothes for myself. So when I find a way to ease the difficulty, I become a loyal shopper. I was delighted when I found nearby stores (Coldwater Creek and Chico’s) where I could usually find something I liked.  One of the features I loved about Chico’s was that their sizing of clothes was rather unique—a size 1 was the usual size 8-10, a size 2 was 12-14, etc. I loved having to buy size 2.

But within a short time both stores in Manhattan closed. Soon after, I learned that Macy’s no longer carried a line of clothes I liked, Jones New York, and the salesperson informed me that the company was filing for bankruptcy. What was I to do? Although I know that my meager and infrequent shopping forays could not have caused the demise of these clothing lines, I felt some self-blame for their loss as well as frustration that they were disappearing. And as my readers know, I don’t like online shopping (I need to try something on before buying it). I am still searching for store replacements— but unless I travel out of town to another Chico’s, I will never be size 2 again.

Changes in makeup products also involves losses for me. There was a shade of Revlon makeup base that I used for many years, until it was discontinued, and new  shades were marketed—all labelled as being “anti-aging”. This occurred several times in the last few years, and each time I needed to find a new shade that best matched my skin color. The newer one was never quite as good as its predecessor. I suppose that producing these new products is good for marketing and for fashion trends, but I find it exasperating when I need to replace a product I have been totally satisfied with. 

And losses will continue. I just heard that my neighborhood supermarket and movie will be closing. Argh, just when I get comfortable, the ground moves again.

So how do I cope? In terms of restaurants, there are still many to choose from and I enjoy trying new ones. As for my frustrations when clothing shops close, I know I have other choices. The changes in makeup products are likely to continue, and I have learned to expect them and adapt—still hoping for those anti-aging effects. These are all losses I can live with. While I feel annoyed, sometimes angry, these are minor inconveniences for life’s minor activities. As I get older I know that many things I relied on are changing or will no longer be there for me in the same way. These trivial losses will be forgotten. It’s the loss of friends and family that I have started to encounter that will be the greatest challenge—no substitutes for these, no ready coping skills. I will need to learn to mourn and hold close the memories of those losses, so I can live with them too.