To Dye or Not to Dye

I started dyeing my hair about 20 years ago. I have very dark brown curly hair, and when gray appeared it was quite obvious. My mother, who had a similar hair color and texture, had very little gray up to her death at 85. Given our many physical similarities, I thought my hair would also remain dark throughout my life.  When gray started coming in, it was clear that would not be so.

Through my forties I never spent much effort- time or money- in anti-aging remedies: no special face creams, cosmetic surgery, or hair coloring. The idea of growing old gracefully appealed to me, especially since I never imagined that I would become an older woman. But when I saw the gray coming in, I felt that it made me look (prematurely?) older. I started having my hair dyed.

This continued throughout my professional working life. As my career advanced, many of my colleagues were younger than me. I felt it was important that I continue to dye my hair so as not to be seen as older. I planned to stop once I retired.

I retired almost two years ago, and my resolution lasted about eight weeks. Once I saw substantial gray coming in I reverted to hair-dyeing.

I realized the truth of something a friend said years ago. Her husband once told her “you don’t have to keep dyeing your hair for me.” Her response was that she wasn’t doing it for him. I too was no longer doing it for colleagues, this was something for me.

Within a year of my retirement COVID restrictions caused the closing of hair salons. I considered this an opportunity to see what my natural hair would look like, again thinking I could now age gracefully.

A friend reported doing an informal survey of the women she knew, asking what would be the first thing they would do once the COVID restrictions were lifted and shops reopened. The most frequent response was to go to a hair salon to get a haircut and get their hair colored! We both laughed at that. But not for long.

As my gray hair took over more territory,  I felt older whenever I looked into a mirror. My hair salon opened about three months into the COVID shutdown period and without too much wavering I was back to hair dyeing.

But now there’s another concern.

My hair is thinning and I wondered if hair dyeing was exacerbating the problem. Would I have to choose between more gray hairs (if I stopped dyeing) or fewer but dark hairs?

My hairdresser tried to reassure me and said she recently changed to a hair color product that used natural ingredients, and was good for my scalp. I looked it up, and I’m not sure if sugar and rice milk can actually reduce hair loss, although they sound yummy for a pudding. This did, however, give me some comfort that the problem might improve.

My hairdresser reported that several of her clients had recently talked about hair loss and were told by doctors that it is stress-related, brought on by the COVID pandemic. Since I recently got my second vaccine shot and my fears of getting COVID have declined, this encouraged my hopes that my hair loss will decline.

Also, when I told my hairdresser that I was upset by the hairs I saw every day on my white-tiled bathroom floor she had a suggestion: Change your tiles to a darker color.  There’s an interesting thought.

So for now, I will continuing getting my hair dyed, hope that the new natural hair dye product will reduce hair loss, and not change my floor tile.

After all, I think I always knew that dyeing was inevitable.