Making a Difference

I always liked the phrase “making a difference,” and hoped that if I did my work conscientiously, I would be doing something important in the world and making a difference for others. As a research scientist overseeing behavioral research related to HIV and drug use, some of my projects contributed to knowledge about these important health issues of our time. And I believed that treating my staff and research participants respectfully was part of having a successful project. After I retired from work I started engaging in activities I had missed, like attending cultural events in NYC, and taking care of my health by going to the local gym. I assumed this change meant that although I could no longer “make a difference” on the scale of my research career, engagement in these new self-care activities, with the addition of some volunteer work, would be satisfying.

Something happened last week that led me to think differently about how I could impact people in my life. I live in a community that consists primarily of four high-rise buildings, with a total of about 1400 apartments. There is a small Gristedes supermarket that serves the community, and since the store is not on a main street with easy access to street traffic, its primary patrons come from these four buildings.

I have known the manager of the supermarket, Jane (not her real name), for about four years. I understand that she was there in prior years and then returned, but I only know her for the most recent time period.

Although prices were a little high in the store, I liked going there, for its convenience and because of Jane. She knew my name and would greet me whenever I went into the store. If I looked for a product and couldn’t find it, she eagerly walked me over to where it was. She also commiserated with me when I commented on the high prices, and said it was out of her hands. Jane always wished me well on the infrequent times when I bought a lottery ticket. One day I went to the store to purchase a fruit platter, as I was visiting some friends that afternoon for a pot-luck luncheon. I saw only small containers of cut fruit, that while not reaching the expiration date, had been cut a few days before. I wanted something that was freshly prepared and attractively displayed. I asked Jane if there were any other platters and there were none, but she asked me when I needed it that afternoon and said she would make a platter and I could come back to pick it up. She did- and the platter was lovely and very appealing. How special I felt- she made something just for me.

Last week when I was in the store Jane came to tell me that the coming Sunday would be her last day, she was being transferred to another store. What a surprise! She told me that she hadn’t requested a transfer but that this periodically occurred. I left feeling as though I had lost an important part of my community. By the next day I started realizing that many others felt the same way I did. News had spread and several community members arranged to have a party for Jane, with one day’s notice, in the development’s community room. My husband and I went to the event where food and drink was available. I watched as the attendees collected- there were over 100 people. When Jane entered there was a great round of applause and she expressed teary-eyed thanks for this display of affection for her. A petition was passed around, requesting that she not be transferred, and I learned that a letter was prepared and sent to the president/CEO of Gristedes telling him how important Jane was to the community and requesting that the transfer be rescinded. I also learned that across the many years of Jane’s prior stays at that supermarket, she had impacted many people over time and knew many of their family members. Some of the tenants had lived there over 40 years through many life phases – they had their children there, retired from work, lost their spouses, and were now seniors. When Jane thanked us for the party she said that we were like her family.

Some people at the party told “Jane stories” – about the times she had her staff deliver food to someone in the complex who was suffering from COVID, about the time she had ordered a special root beer that a tenant wanted and had the case of soda delivered to the front of their door. I laughingly said that Jane probably knew the names of all the people in that room, and everyone smiled in agreement. And then someone said what summed up the feelings for all of us – “Jane made everyone feel that they were special.”

Jane made a difference in the lives of many of us in that community.  As I left the party and went over for a final good-bye, she gave me a large piece of ice-cream cake that was left over from the party – “here, take it home, you can put it in the freezer.”  So even at this time, when her pending departure filled her with sadness about leaving her “family,” she still wanted to take care of us. Some of us said we would visit her in the new store, and she said she would come back to see us- but we knew all this was unlikely, given the distance and life’s other necessary activities. In any case, it would not be returning to the relationship that we had.

So why is this important? A little story in a small community where we will all go back to doing what we did before? I learned that “making a difference” is something we can do no matter what our work and position is in life- whether one is overseeing a large research project, or working in a retail shop. And retiring from work doesn’t mean one’s potential for impact on others has diminished. If you can convey to the people you come in contact with that you appreciate them as individuals and that they are special to you, you can make a difference that has consequences for them. I plan to take that lesson with me.