Unexpected Changes That Aging Brings

In the past few years, I wrote several essays related to changes that aging brings. I anticipated many of these, like changes related to my health, and welcomed others, like having more free time for activities that I care about. But I am also finding some unexpected changes that require adaptations, and even challenge some of the beliefs I always had.

For example, I have had to make adaptations to my drinking habits. From my teen years until just a few years ago, alcohol made me feel uninhibited, and often quite clever. When going out with friends, a cocktail before dinner and a glass of wine or two with my meal enhanced the evening’s experience—of my interactions with my companions and the enjoyment of the food. But I now find that my consumption of alcohol needs changing. It makes me tired, thus shortening the time I can spend with friends, and my remarks no longer seem so clever. Also, drinking interferes with my being able to sleep through the night, and makes me feel lethargic in the morning. So now I limit myself to either a cocktail or a glass of wine, and drink it slowly. This has not reduced my enjoyment of the evening. It also made me realize that I could find ways to reduce the negative effects of unexpected changes that come with aging.

My beliefs about what is important in romantic relationships are changing. In my 20s and 30s, finding a marriage partner was a goal for me and many of my peers. One unmarried friend, in her early 30s, even said that she didn’t care if she got divorced, as long as she could say she was once married. And I always saw dating married men as taboo. But now, as my peers and I are well past the traditional ages for the milestones of getting married and having children, my views are changing. A friend who is my age, and is divorced, is dating a married man. He lives with, and is the primary caretaker of, a wife who has severe Alzheimer’s disease. His relationship with my friend is mutually satisfactory- they are companions when it can be arranged, enjoying activities together.  He makes sure his wife’s needs are met, and there is no intention of changing this arrangement in the future. A different kind of stable “happily ever after” has been reached. I am learning that ideas and judgments I had about relationships may no longer be valid, and arrangements that I never even considered may become the most desirable.  

And as I age, continued adjustments to the adjustments I have made to improve my life are becoming necessary. I have used hearing aids for about five years, and they have greatly improved my hearing. The hearing aid mechanisms fit around the outside of my ears, and although my hair generally covers them, they are sometimes visible. When I first bought them, I was still dyeing my hair a very dark brown, so I got black hearing aids. I thought this made them less conspicuous. I recently had to replace the hearing aids, but since I no longer dye my hair, the black ones would become more obvious. I decided to get a gray matte finish, which blends in better with my current salt and pepper hair color. I do not consider myself vain, yet was pleased and amused as I gladly picked out this new color. I am learning that adjustments to changes as I age must be ongoing, and can bring continued satisfaction.

While these three examples of unexpected changes I have found are quite diverse, they have a similar lesson for me. Unexpected changes will occur throughout my life. Making adaptations in behaviors and beliefs can sometimes result in unexpected benefits.