Bringing the Past Into the Future

For much of my life, I looked forward to what was coming next. When I was in school, each year I eagerly anticipated the next grade; in the various places I lived, I looked forward to moving into my next home; and when I left a job it was usually with the feeling that I was entering a new and better stage of my professional development. I believed that when a past experience was over, it was best to quickly move to what was replacing it, and leave the past behind. This, I thought, would help me fully engage in what was coming.

Now as an older adult, while I still look forward to trying new experiences and meeting new people, I am starting to question my assumption that when I am ready to move on, I should leave the past behind. Certainly learning from mistakes or insights from the past is helpful in terms of my growth and development, but that’s not what I am thinking about here. I am referring to using what I have learned, and the talents I have acquired, to crafting my plans for my future. 

This insight first came to me when I was planning what I wanted to do as part of my volunteer work to assist immigrants to the US, a population I wanted to directly help. During my professional career I worked as a research scientist, writing federal research grant proposals and mentoring other scientists. I obtained substantial federal grant awards over many years. Although I enjoyed this work, when I retired I looked forward to doing some new things, and told myself that I was done with writing grant proposals and their associated deadlines. After retirement I began looking for volunteer opportunities related to services for immigrants. I eventually found an organization that arranged for new immigrants to have one-on-one conversations with volunteers, to improve their English. I had weekly meetings with two women over the course of a year. I was helpful with their language development, and provided information and advice about adjusting to life in New York. But I soon began feeling that this wasn’t really addressing immigrants in high need, so after a year, and taking steps to assure that they would continue with some new volunteer, I concluded this volunteer effort.  

 I recently again sought volunteer work to assist immigrants. Some of the opportunities available, like giving out flyers in areas where new immigrants live, accompanying them to receive health services, and many others, while important, did not seem to be the kinds of things I would enjoy. And some needs, like serving as a translator, I did not have the proficiency to do well. I soon began thinking that I would like to do something that uses skills that were somewhat unique to me, that I could provide but most other volunteers couldn’t. Grant writing! Aha! This is the skill that I successfully used for so many years in my professional career. Perhaps it is something that would be helpful to the kinds of organizations I wanted to help, and could enhance their ability to provide services to immigrants. So I recently reached out to several organizations that might be interested in using my grant writing skills. I feel excited about this possibility.  I feel confident that I can find an opportunity to do this. Although this means I have gone back to drawing on abilities that at one time I wanted to leave behind, it feels as though these could be the very activities that will be most satisfying. At some points in my life I needed to close off the past, to enable me to move into a new future, be it school or work, or other area of life. And this may have been necessary at those times.  But I no longer have the same goals nor trajectory in my life. I am learning to go back to things I had dismissed earlier, and to draw on them and adapt them for fulfillment and satisfaction now and into the future.