In Search of Praise

I recently watched some of the matches at the US Open Tennis championships, and couldn’t help thinking that some of the players’ behaviors were lacking in humility. During some matches, when a player won a particularly hard-fought point, or won the match, he or she would look up at the audience to receive their adulation. The player sometimes beckoned for more praise by waving toward him or herself, engaged in chest-thumping, or cupped an ear, to indicate they wanted the applause and cries of appreciation to be even louder. The audience appeared to enjoy expressing their approval as much as the player enjoyed getting it, so no harm was done. Yet, this behavior seemed a bit unseemly to me.

I grew up at a time when seeking praise for one’s achievements was frowned upon. If you accomplished something, be it in sports, professional achievements, or academics, praise could be given by your peers, or others who knew you, but seeking out applause or accolades would generally not have been expected. That behavior would be seen as inappropriate and egotistical.

But maybe that’s not so. Maybe what we need is more praise, whether spontaneous or solicited. Most people are in jobs that generally aren’t considered sports or entertainment, so they don’t get much praise or admiration for their work, but perhaps they should.

I was recently on a NYC bus, and was amazed at the maneuvering the driver did to get past double-parked cars and trucks to get to the next bus stop. It impressed me so much, that as I got off the bus I stopped by the driver to tell him that he had done a great job getting through the traffic. He smiled and seemed quite pleased. I’m not sure how I would have felt if after the skilled maneuvering he stopped the bus, got out of his seat to face the riders, pounded his chest, and cupped his ear waiting for applause. Would that seem appropriate? Probably not. But he certainly should get praise for what he accomplished. 

An example where overt admiration, unsolicited, for those doing a particular kind of work, happened during the early years of the recent COVID epidemic in New York City. Many people who lived near hospitals came out of their apartments in the evening to bang pots and make noise to show their appreciation for health care workers who were ministering to those with COVID. The workers felt appreciated – the noise-makers felt grateful – everyone benefitted. All were involved in a difficult, challenging crisis and this expression of community appreciation gave a sense of unity and hope.

So perhaps praise should be more widespread. Workers we encounter on a daily basis, who are exceptional or very competent, should all receive praise for their efforts. Some of them, like servers in a restaurant, are not likely to solicit applause or expect a call of “Bravo” after placing the meal on your table. And the receipt of a nice tip may be especially welcome. But some verbal indication that their service was appreciated is likely to benefit the bestower as well as the recipient.

I don’t think I need to provide a demonstration of approval for everyone I encounter who does a good job. It would take too much time, and it would become less meaningful if it were commonplace. But I do intend to provide a verbal expression of appreciation for the services people do that are especially well done- it would benefit us both.

So, tell me, did you like this essay?