Good As New

I am beginning to understand a change that is occurring as I age, related to how I feel about my health status. When I was younger and felt sick or had a health problem, I went to my doctor, was treated, and was cured. Afterwards, I felt as though I had returned to my prior state of general good health. Sometimes I didn’t even need any health care- just a few days of rest and I was “good as new.”

But as I get older, there have been changes in my overall health status— new muscle aches, periodic memory lapses, and lowered energy— things that will not be cured.  I have learned that they are not serious or life-threatening conditions, but just part of getting older. I can reduce the impact of some of these changes, like taking ibuprofen for muscle aches, keeping a note pad handy to jot down things I want to make sure to remember, or planning rest times in-between activities likely to make me tired. Reversal of these conditions is not likely, but with a healthy diet and regular exercise, I hope I can slow down the speed of decline.

And for certain health conditions that often emerge with aging—like knee or hip pains, skin growths or tumors, declines in hearing— there are multiple successful treatment options,  like knee replacements, Mohs surgery, and hearing aids. Some of them require periodic doctors’ visits and tests to determine if conditions are worsening. I realize that I will never again be “good as new,” nor ever again free of thinking about some of these health concerns. Perhaps the biggest change for me is the realization that I am vulnerable to many of the conditions that always belonged to older people I knew, and I thought did not apply to me.

I have entered a new era of how I perceive my health status. I have some chronic and emerging health issues and concerns, none serious. For the most part they have stabilized, primarily with the aid of treatments, and some require periodic doctors’ visits for monitoring.  A friend told me of someone who never goes to the doctor, her motto being “don’t go- don’t know” – but that’s not a route I want to take. When a health concern emerges, I seek out medical opinions as to the best treatments. I don’t like spending time in doctor’s offices or undergoing imaging procedures, but I go when it is recommended.

And I conclude that there is little to be gained from bemoaning the loss of a state that probably never was. Changes in health status and needs occur throughout life, with more conditions to be addressed as I age.  I am basically healthy, and am fortunate to have no serious genetic diseases (that I know of). Most importantly, I have lots to do in the years ahead. And though I may never again be “good as new,” maybe that is really not so desirable, as it implies a loss of all I have learned and accomplished over the years. I will take care of my health so that for each stage of my life I can keep it “as good as it gets.”

Dialing Down My News Consumption

I don’t know what led to my being so interested in following the news. Graduating from college and living on my own in the 1960s, I always wanted to be informed about what was going on in the world- progress in civil rights and women’s rights, protests about the Vietnam War, and the optimism of the Kennedy presidency-  all seemed important to know about, and watching the 11o’clock news on TV was one of my daily rituals. News-watching continued in subsequent years, supplemented by my reading the NY Times,  checking in on CNN if I were home during the day, watching the 6 o’clock news, and listening to radio news broadcasts when I was in my car.  My husband enjoys news magazines, so after we got married I also read Newsweek, Time, and other news-focused magazines.  Since retiring several years ago, I continued news-watching, often referring to myself as a news junkie.

But I have started to cut down.

Several things have led to this. It started with the Trump era, when the divisiveness in our country seemed to escalate and the reporting I heard on the news became less about events, policies, and ideas, and more about personal attacks and mud-slinging. I didn’t want to keep hearing about this. But reducing my outside activities during COVID, I watched even more TV for a time, following the various phases of the epidemic and the efforts to lessen its impact. Unfortunately, this was also filled with divisiveness, at times fueled by fear and ignorance. In the 2020s, reporting of racial injustice and police brutality, the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and other events were certainly all important to learn about,

But I started asking myself why I was watching so much of it? Did I need to hear about this several times every day?

National news is full of the horrors of mass shootings, more than one a day in the US just since the beginning of 2023. Local news has disturbing reports about my beloved New York City – including robberies, shootings, and people pushed onto train tracks. I remembered that when I lived in NYC in the 1970s and 80s, it was considered very dangerous, and in fact crime now is less than what occurred at that time. I realized that some of the reported news was selected to cater to the audience’s fears rather than accurate reporting of events.

And now, in what is considered the post-COVID period, I am eager to again fully enjoy what the City has to offer. But I find the news even more disturbing, and see that some of my friends have become reluctant to venture out and even warned me against it.

So despite, or even because of, some of my own trepidations, I recently did some local Manhattan sight-seeing and exploration. I went to Pier 57, a new attraction on the Hudson River near 15th street. It is a James Beard-curated food hall, with a rooftop park, and wonderful views of the Hudson and nearby Little Island Park- overall a great place for people-watching and trying some good food.  A few days later I went to the Guggenheim museum and saw exhibits of the work of Gego (Gertrud Goldschmidt) and early paintings of Picasso. Wonderful art, reminding me of the many treasures in my city that I have yet to visit. The weather was cool and sunny, and lots of people were out, enjoying themselves, locals and tourists. And the following week I took a train to Astoria Queens – a train! – transportation that some people had warned me about. I went there for a reading a friend did from his recently published book. I enjoyed this developing neighborhood- lots of people out, lovely coffee shops, and the sense of dynamic energy that made me glad to be there.  Yes, when I waited for the train I did not stand near the edge… but I never did in the past.

 And I thought about all the people who stay home, watching the news, adding fuel to their growing fears about venturing out in the city.  I think this news-induced fear particularly happens with older people. Perhaps because they watch more TV news, and already feel vulnerable to the potential threats that come with aging.

Each of us, regardless of age or concerns about the “state of the world” must make our own decision about where and when to venture out. I find that I feel exhilarated, and even inspired, when I experience the culture and the people of the city. So while I will continue being informed of the news, I will lower my dose, dialing down on the frequency and sources of information.

Making New Relationships

I have been thinking about the psychological concept of transference. It occurs when feelings or attitudes toward one person are applied (transferred) to someone else. This may occur in psychotherapy, when patients transfer feelings they had toward a parent or other significant person from childhood, onto their therapist. It is believed to occur unconsciously, and can be a useful tool for the therapist in working with the patient. But it also happens to most of us in everyday life.

I thought of it recently when I visited a niece in Florida.  On two occasions I called her Dara- the name of my daughter. I think this occurred because I love them both, feel very at ease with them both, and the emotions I felt for my daughter were simply transferred to my niece. I laughed when I called my niece’s dog the name of my grandson! Both are warm and loving, fun to be with, great to hug, and shorter than me. Perhaps as I get older, some emotional boundaries are coming down, and emotions that I have common to more than one person (or even pet!) may spill over, and get transferred between them.  

I think I also experience transference when trying to pick baby names. When a friend or relative has been pregnant and talked with me about possible baby names, I sometimes have strong, almost visceral, reactions to certain names.  Some of my feelings were readily understood, since they were tied to current figures in the news or famous people who I either liked or didn’t like. But some came from people I knew in elementary school who I had not thought of in decades, but whose names raised either strong positive or negative feelings. How strange— that emotions about people I knew a long time ago emerged in situations that had nothing to do with them.

Transference also occurs in relationships with partners. It is believed that some people choose partners because of their similarities to or differences from someone significant in their childhood, usually a parent. This can lead to the attraction we feel for a partner as well as how we relate to them. The transfer of feelings and attitudes developed with one person, to another one later in life, can have positive or negative consequences for the relationship. And we may not even know why we are having the reactions to them that have emerged.

I thought about some people I met in recent years. I felt shy with a new neighbor who was a tall imposing -looking woman. I think she reminded me of a 1st grade teacher I had who I was always a bit afraid of. I had some reluctance in trying to become more friendly with this neighbor, and may have missed the opportunity for a good relationship. And when a new CEO came to head an agency I worked for a few years ago, I believed that he was competent and would help the agency grow. This led me to share concerns I had about senior staff members and the agency operations. It soon became clear that he had little interest in making changes in the agency and even resented my suggestions, and this interfered with the quality of our working relationship. My transference there was from my father, who always seemed a fair person, benevolent and wanting things to go well at home.  It would have been better had I waited a while longer before deciding to share my concerns with the new CEO.

Then I realized that the longer you live the more significant relationships you have.  Does this mean that as we age, there is some transference of emotions and attitudes from prior relationships, especially our primary ones, to most new people we meet? Does it get harder to respond to someone purely based on who they are, and not who they may remind you of, often unconsciously?  I want to be aware of when I am doing that, so I can appreciate the uniqueness of new people and I don’t miss possibilities for good relationships, or be prematurely overly trusting.

And the other person may be experiencing transference towards me too. When we meet, the room may be crowded with unseen people that we both have brought with us, some not even alive anymore. I want to keep these uninvited guests quiet and in the background, so perhaps I need to get to know them better. I want to make sure they don’t interfere with my making new relationships with people I would enjoy getting to know.

Relaxing Can Take Work

When I retired, I thought that I would have more time to relax, and it would be effortless. That hasn’t been true. Because of the busy life I had, with work often extending outside of regular office hours, when I tried to relax it felt as if I was wasting time, that I wasn’t being productive.

So I looked up the word relax. Most definitions include words like less tense, more calm, and rest. That sounds about right, in terms of what I want to achieve, yet I find it hard to get there.

First, if I just sit in a comfortable chair and put my feet up, I am flooded with thoughts about tasks I need to do – even if they are relatively simple like taking out the garbage, making a phone call, or buying milk. I keep a pad and pen near me when I want to relax so I can write down the tasks that come to mind. I learned this from the Erhard Seminar Training (EST) that I took in the 1980s. They gave advice about how to get a good night’s rest if there are things you need to do the next day that are worrying you—just write them down on a pad, and let the pad worry about them overnight. That has been helpful in terms of helping me fall asleep, but when I want to relax, I keep thinking of new undone tasks. The other problem is that while I am in my comfy chair, if I feel tired, I fall asleep. I don’t want to do that because then I will miss the pleasurable sensation of relaxing, and in addition, if I sleep too long it may interfere with my sleep at bedtime.

There are plenty of suggestions out there about how to relax, including things like taking slow deep breaths and doing mindfulness meditation. I have done these, but only for brief time periods, perhaps that’s why when they end I don’t feel much more relaxed. Other advice recommends certain activities, like doing yoga, getting a massage, or taking a bubble bath. But these are not very appealing to me, as they involve some preparation or planning, and getting up, and I usually want to stay in my comfortable chair.

Of course there are some old standbys that are not healthy, like drinking alcohol or smoking (weed or regular cigarettes). Although I try these to relax sometimes, for general health reasons, I want to limit their use.

So what’s to be done? I think I have found what may work for me. I checked the etymology of the word relax and learned that it comes from the prefix re– meaning to go back, and lax – meaning to loosen. In other words, it means to return to a state of less tension, which means that a state of tension/activity/accomplishment existed after the last period of relaxation and is needed before the currently sought after relaxing period can begin.  This means I need to plan for a period of activity that will give me a sense of accomplishment and a little tension before I can relax again. Since I usually have many tasks on my to-do list— like making the needed phone call to the cable company, or ordering the new pillows for my bed, or even writing that next essay—there is no lack of activities. And after I complete a task and am satisfied with what I have done, I should be able to comfortably settle into the chair and relax. It will be almost as if I have earned the time for relaxation. But wait—unfortunately, sometimes undertaking and even completing a task may not be satisfying, it may in fact increase tension. I may need to undertake two or three of them before I am ready to re-lax.  Hopefully there is still time left in the day.

Hmmm, this may not be as easy as I thought.  It looks like relaxing may take some work.

Napping and Other Health Lessons from Childhood

I always thought that taking naps was something only little children needed. It usually occurred twice a day until they were about two years old, then once a day until they were four or five. It gave the parents a break, and the child often awakened less cranky than they were before taking the nap.

It was only after I retired from full-time work that I began appreciating the pleasures of a brief nap. “Power napping,” defined as a mid-day nap of about 20-30 minutes, has been associated with many benefits, including increased energy and better memory. While I worked full-time and especially when I was raising children, I never had the time to take naps. On days that I felt tired, I simply pushed through and did what was needed. But now, if I feel tired in the middle of the day, sometimes I take a brief nap. I love it, and I too am less cranky after waking, ready for engagement in whatever I planned for the rest of the day.

So I started wondering if there are other behaviors associated with early childhood that may be useful to my health now.

My mother and Bubba (grandmother), both of whom raised me, always extolled the benefits of getting me and my siblings out of the apartment to have fresh air, even if temperatures were below freezing. This is a good idea for me now. I find that when I am working at home all day, even at something I enjoy doing, if I haven’t been outdoors, I feel a little dejected by the end of the day. Checking on some research, it has shown that fresh air increases your intake of oxygen, improves circulation, lowers your heart rate, and has other benefits. And there’s another benefit I see – going out reminds me that there is a big world out there with many sources of stimulation and pleasure.    So I plan to go out more often, perhaps after I wake from my naps.

Other behaviors associated with childhood that are good for me may require effort to do successfully. As a child, if I fell and hurt myself, I wanted an adult at home (usually my mother or Bubba), to take care of it. Getting concrete help, like the application of a little iodine or mercurochrome on the wound, and a bandage, was important. But even more important was knowing that there was someone who I could go to if I was hurt who wanted to help me get better. That’s still important now. I can usually figure out the concrete steps to take if there is a physical wound. But for emotional pain I have learned that going to a close friend or relative, someone who listens and cares when life’s challenges seem hard for me, is needed for healing.

I have concluded that many of my childhood behaviors have been forgotten or replaced by activities more appropriate for my age. But I will continue to look back to find those that can still serve me, as wisdom comes from many sources.

Differences Between Actual and Felt Ages

Most older people think of themselves as younger than their age.  I am in that group. And I’m also one of those older folks who are surprised when they glimpse themselves in a mirror or glass window. Who is that person? She couldn’t be me— she looks older than I am, and looks like my mother. It must be a mistake. 

So I got to thinking about aging, and the difference between my chronological age and the age I feel I am.

Research has found that many people begin thinking of themselves as younger than their age as early as their 30s, and the perceived difference increases as they get older. I found that in my own family. My 40 year-old daughter said she felt like she was in her 30s, and when I asked my 87 year-old husband how old he felt, his first response was that he didn’t think about it, and then he said he felt like he was in his 50s! And even when I asked how old he thought he looked when he looked in the mirror- he still said he looked in his 50s! How could that be, I thought. Is that a gender difference? a visual acuity difference?

Feeling younger than your age is associated with lower rates of depression and better physical health, all good things. There’s no real downside to feeling younger than I am, except that it increases my dislike of hearing the negative stereotypes about getting older.

Why do I feel younger than my age? Some of the probable contributors are my genetic makeup, having no chronic illnesses, regular exercising (sometimes), staying in touch with family and friends, engaging in activities that stimulate my mind, and watching my diet (sometimes). I also like feeling younger than my age because in my teenage years I skipped two grades before graduating high school, and for many years I tried acting older than my age to fit in with my peers. I lost some of my young years during that time, and I missed them.

And another reason I feel younger than my age is because I have many things to look forward to, and need years ahead to get or do them. I recently came across some notes I made about five years ago, of hopes I had for the next few years. These included seeing my children get the things they wanted. For my daughter (then single) it was to marry and have children; and for my son and his wife, it was to buy their first home. For me, items on the list included retiring and having time to write and explore new cultural activities in NYC. Check, check and check – all these things happened. I feel pleased about them, and fortunate that they have been attained. And I have more to anticipate – to see members of my extended family reach various milestones and other pleasures they seek. And for myself- there are things to see, essays to write, books to read, people I want to spend time with, and perhaps even classes to take to improve my language skills in Spanish and Yiddish.  Making plans and anticipating these pleasures helps keep me feeling younger than my age.

Enjoying the present also helps. A neighbor who is 93 told me that she had bought a costly jacket that she liked and then returned it, thinking that buying something so expensive and conspicuous at her age was somehow not right. A short while later she got a gift certificate for the same store… went and saw that the same jacket was there… and she bought it!. Why not buy it at 93? she rhetorically asked, with pleasure and triumph in her voice. Why not indeed!  I thought. An upside to aging is the realization that you shouldn’t defer or deny pleasures for yourself.

And I find that age differences with others matter less as I get older, broadening my potential friendship network. For example, children who are seven years apart in age, like five and twelve, are not likely to have much in common, and unlikely to become friends. But when you get older, and meet someone with whom you have a seven year difference in age- like 71 and 78- the age difference itself is meaningless if there are common interests, shared values, and an ease in connecting. A close, even life-long loving friendship can be formed.

At some point in our lives we go through all the age markers for life’s milestones. In youth, we look forward to reaching certain ages – like those required to legally get a driver’s license, to vote, and to buy alcohol. But once we pass those markers, there are none until we get ready to retire and receive social security benefits. There’s no need to add any age requirements of our own as we get older- like thinking we are too old (or too young and have lots of time) to go on that trip, learn a new language, or buy that expensive jacket.  It appears that planning and doing them may not only give pleasure, but will extend the time we have in which to enjoy them.

Of course there are downsides to aging, no one escapes declining energy and increasing health concerns. But as long as you feel younger than your chronological age, there are many benefits.

Making a Difference

I always liked the phrase “making a difference,” and hoped that if I did my work conscientiously, I would be doing something important in the world and making a difference for others. As a research scientist overseeing behavioral research related to HIV and drug use, some of my projects contributed to knowledge about these important health issues of our time. And I believed that treating my staff and research participants respectfully was part of having a successful project. After I retired from work I started engaging in activities I had missed, like attending cultural events in NYC, and taking care of my health by going to the local gym. I assumed this change meant that although I could no longer “make a difference” on the scale of my research career, engagement in these new self-care activities, with the addition of some volunteer work, would be satisfying.

Something happened last week that led me to think differently about how I could impact people in my life. I live in a community that consists primarily of four high-rise buildings, with a total of about 1400 apartments. There is a small Gristedes supermarket that serves the community, and since the store is not on a main street with easy access to street traffic, its primary patrons come from these four buildings.

I have known the manager of the supermarket, Jane (not her real name), for about four years. I understand that she was there in prior years and then returned, but I only know her for the most recent time period.

Although prices were a little high in the store, I liked going there, for its convenience and because of Jane. She knew my name and would greet me whenever I went into the store. If I looked for a product and couldn’t find it, she eagerly walked me over to where it was. She also commiserated with me when I commented on the high prices, and said it was out of her hands. Jane always wished me well on the infrequent times when I bought a lottery ticket. One day I went to the store to purchase a fruit platter, as I was visiting some friends that afternoon for a pot-luck luncheon. I saw only small containers of cut fruit, that while not reaching the expiration date, had been cut a few days before. I wanted something that was freshly prepared and attractively displayed. I asked Jane if there were any other platters and there were none, but she asked me when I needed it that afternoon and said she would make a platter and I could come back to pick it up. She did- and the platter was lovely and very appealing. How special I felt- she made something just for me.

Last week when I was in the store Jane came to tell me that the coming Sunday would be her last day, she was being transferred to another store. What a surprise! She told me that she hadn’t requested a transfer but that this periodically occurred. I left feeling as though I had lost an important part of my community. By the next day I started realizing that many others felt the same way I did. News had spread and several community members arranged to have a party for Jane, with one day’s notice, in the development’s community room. My husband and I went to the event where food and drink was available. I watched as the attendees collected- there were over 100 people. When Jane entered there was a great round of applause and she expressed teary-eyed thanks for this display of affection for her. A petition was passed around, requesting that she not be transferred, and I learned that a letter was prepared and sent to the president/CEO of Gristedes telling him how important Jane was to the community and requesting that the transfer be rescinded. I also learned that across the many years of Jane’s prior stays at that supermarket, she had impacted many people over time and knew many of their family members. Some of the tenants had lived there over 40 years through many life phases – they had their children there, retired from work, lost their spouses, and were now seniors. When Jane thanked us for the party she said that we were like her family.

Some people at the party told “Jane stories” – about the times she had her staff deliver food to someone in the complex who was suffering from COVID, about the time she had ordered a special root beer that a tenant wanted and had the case of soda delivered to the front of their door. I laughingly said that Jane probably knew the names of all the people in that room, and everyone smiled in agreement. And then someone said what summed up the feelings for all of us – “Jane made everyone feel that they were special.”

Jane made a difference in the lives of many of us in that community.  As I left the party and went over for a final good-bye, she gave me a large piece of ice-cream cake that was left over from the party – “here, take it home, you can put it in the freezer.”  So even at this time, when her pending departure filled her with sadness about leaving her “family,” she still wanted to take care of us. Some of us said we would visit her in the new store, and she said she would come back to see us- but we knew all this was unlikely, given the distance and life’s other necessary activities. In any case, it would not be returning to the relationship that we had.

So why is this important? A little story in a small community where we will all go back to doing what we did before? I learned that “making a difference” is something we can do no matter what our work and position is in life- whether one is overseeing a large research project, or working in a retail shop. And retiring from work doesn’t mean one’s potential for impact on others has diminished. If you can convey to the people you come in contact with that you appreciate them as individuals and that they are special to you, you can make a difference that has consequences for them. I plan to take that lesson with me.

Thankful that Nothing Happened

I am learning that sometimes I should be grateful that nothing happened. Let me explain. One recent week had many sources of distress. I thought I lost my building entry card, that has my photo on it and would involve cost and time to get replaced. I was annoyed. Also, I couldn’t access my Masterclass on-line classes. I called the customer service line but they couldn’t help me, even after giving me a new password. Not only were they not helpful— but after following all their instructions, I believed I lost other automatic passwords on my computer— thus leaving me worse off than when I started. I was upset. That same day, after returning from getting a haircut, my husband announced that he had lost his wallet—filled with credit cards and ID cards— a nightmare to replace, and potentially costly.  And one more thing, earlier in the week I went for a physical exam, as I had been feeling very tired in the past few months, and I needed to call my doctor for the results of my blood tests. I had some concern that some disease or deficit would be found in these tests, changing my life.

So what happened? After looking in the various compartments of my pocketbook, multiple times, I found the ID card— I must have missed one compartment. The morning after the Masterclass problem I turned on my computer, with trepidation, prepared to call the customer service line again, and voila—I could access Masterclass, and everything else seemed to be functioning OK. Then I searched my husband’s coats and pants pockets for the wallet, to no avail— but walking through the living room I saw the wallet tucked into the side of the living room chair. In searching his pockets, it must have fallen out and gotten wedged next to the pillow. And at the end of the week I called my doctor and learned that all my tests were normal.

All this helped me realize that feeling good should not just come from appreciating the good things in life that can happen, like having a nice dinner with a close friend or hearing that one of my children got a promotion. I should also feel pleasure when something that could have potentially gone bad, didn’t, or when there has been an absence of bad news. During that entire week, any one of those things I worried about could have turned out poorly— but nothing happened. Even more important, there was no bad news, like calls that someone was ill.

So, I can still hope for good things happening, like visits from people I have been eager to see, and wedding plans or promotions among family and friends. But some days I plan to just sit back and appreciate that while there is often potential for various things to go wrong,  nothing happened.

Late Bloomer

The expression Late Bloomer is used to describe someone who fulfills their potential later than usual. It can apply to an adolescent who goes through puberty later than expected, or a young adult who finds a career path later than his or her peers. It is rarely used for a senior… yet I believe that for some of us, late blooming can occur even at that time in our lives.

For me, it was only after the responsibilities of a busy life—working hard as a student through graduate school, finding a partner and getting married, getting established in a productive career, and raising children—that I could fully look inward to begin to understand what parts of myself had been neglected. I wanted to find what else life had to offer, and what I wanted to nurture and develop in myself. Although I retired from my career as a research scientist several years ago, I did not feel that my involvement in life was diminishing in interests or activities. In fact, I was just getting started.

I had a dear aunt who lived a full life, with career, spouse and children, and died at 90. She had a loving relationship with her husband, but he always seemed to be the decision maker as to what they would do and who they would visit. He also was the primary spokesperson for the two of them, and she often seemed reticent to speak when she was with him. She lovingly cared for him in his final years and had many wonderful memories of their more than 50 years of marriage. After a period of mourning she became active in seeing her friends and family, and attending the cultural events, including jazz concerts, that she so loved throughout her life.  During this time, she told me that she felt like a rose that was just starting to open up! How wonderful I thought, at last she felt free and open to the world, and ready to experience it even more fully than in her earlier years.

Perhaps it is when we are finished with many of the tasks and responsibilities that life gives us—some chosen and some not—that we can appreciate what life has to offer. It is time to find and enjoy those parts of ourselves that have been unexplored.  

So I now choose to apply a late bloomer status to myself and other seniors who initiate or explore interests and  activities that we didn’t have the time to do when we were younger.

Abi Gezundt was one of the Yiddish expressions my mother would say about things she was planning, meaning as long as she stayed healthy.  Health and energy are certainly concerns as I get older. But activities that in the past I could complete in a morning, like visiting several exhibits in a museum, I can now do over two or three days. Also, there are more options available for some activities, including attending virtual classes in new areas of interest, rather than having to go in person.

Certainly, at some point in life, some ambitions and desires may pass the blooming possibilities… especially those that require physical stamina, like becoming a marathon runner, or that involve many years of training and education that no longer seem possible, like becoming a physician.  But- Alan Petricoff did the NYC marathon in 2022 at age 88, and Atomic Leow was 66 in 2015 when he graduated from medical school in Romania. So perhaps some of the possibilities that we now discount as impossible, are not.

I am ready to explore, and have started some new activities, including volunteer work with immigrants, writing a blog, and visiting people and cultural sites that I never had time to explore in the past. And I and a friend have taken on the goal of walking across all the bridges that lead out of Manhattan, which I see as a symbol of my plans for new journeys, some not yet identified.  I always liked the Charles Aznavour song Yesterday, When I Was Young, and  felt especially wistful at the line There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung. But perhaps that doesn’t have to be true after all…  we can all sing longer and later than we ever anticipated.

Half-birthdays and Other Opportunities for Celebration

As I get older, I want to find opportunities for celebration–—dare I say it—of me. Like most others, my life has been filled with moments of joy and feelings of accomplishment, and times of grief and feelings of self-doubt. I have decided to find ways to increase the times for celebrations. I’m sure the negative experiences will take care of themselves.

As a wife and parent in my personal life, and a research director and supervisor in my work life, I participated in and often initiated celebrations of others. I enjoyed them all. Generally, they were for life’s milestones, like ages reached and weddings, or for work-related accomplishments, like promotions. Now that I am out of the formal work environment, and have passed many of my own landmarks (married with adult children), there are fewer opportunities for celebrations. I want to find ways I can celebrate myself.

I recently celebrated my half-birthday. Interestingly, when you ask a parent the age of their infant or toddler child, they are likely to report it in weeks (if the child is under 3 months of age), or in months (if he/she is under two years old). This may be because of the many important developmental milestones that occur during these short time periods. After the second birthday, generally ages are marked and discussed in terms of whole years. But I think we should look at further delineations of age at the other end of life too. For example, I think birthdays should be celebrated biannually after age 75.  After all, one is increasingly aware that the numbers left to celebrate are diminishing, so why not celebrate them in smaller increments?  I’m not talking about big get-togethers or elaborate affairs, unless that is your choice… it’s not mine. I mean simply taking note of the new milestone, congratulating yourself on reaching it, and doing something to celebrate- be it a glass of wine, a special meal, buying something you have wanted, or arranging a date with a beloved friend. Of course one can celebrate birthdays in even greater frequency, like quarterly.  But I personally would not go as far as Lewis Carroll suggested in Through the Looking Glass, celebrating an unbirthday 364 days a year. I think too much celebrating would diminish the celebratory feelings.

In my recent half-birthday celebration, I had my Google nest sing Happy Birthday to me in the morning, I met a friend for lunch, and for dinner with my husband we had some Prosecco and I blew out a candle on my blueberry pie and ice-cream dessert. A satisfying celebration indeed.

I also found other days that I can celebrate myself, days dedicated to various roles that fit me, related to my senior status. They include: Grandma’s Day (January 21), National Senior Citizen’s Day (August 21), and National Grandparents Day (September, the first Sunday after Labor Day). The UN has even declared an International Day of Older Persons, October 1. So if I feel like it, I may choose to celebrate myself on one of those days in the future. There is also an Older Americans Month, that is May, but since May has Mother’s day, perhaps that one day for celebrating me in May is sufficient. However, I can pick another one or two other days in May, and perhaps invite another Older American to celebrate with me!

There are also activities I do that have official dates of recognition. For example. I enjoy writing non-fiction, and found there is a National Authors’ Day (Nov 1).  I also volunteer with an organization serving immigrants, and recently learned about Volunteer Recognition Day (April 20).  

I conclude that I have lots of opportunities for celebration throughout the year. I look forward to them all, whether a simple acknowledgment to myself, or an event enjoyed with others.